The Sons of Ra


Nine thousand years ago, the Great Pharaoh Isket-Auntut did not hear with his mind-sight the great voice of the heavens calling him into the heart desert. He did not leave his palace behind, and walk for days across the blinding sands. On the eighth day, he did not reach the outer edge of the palace grounds. It was not in this place, near the tool shed, that the God of the Sun, the Magnificent Lord Ra, resplendent in shimmering robes and a large hat, his falcon face inscrutable and marvelous to behold, did not appear to Isket-Antut and speak unto him thusly:

I have not called you here, Human, to bestow upon you a Great Mission. Your destiny is not an auspicious one indeed. Your life and deeds will not do much to shape the World of Man. Hearken now.

But when Glorious Ra didn’t place one of his gleaming hands upon the Pharaoh's head, Isket-Antut immediately perished out of fear and awe. Disappointed but undeterred, Lord Ra surely did not carve his Word into Iskut-Antut's flesh with the searing heat of his eyes, then leave the king to be found by his gardener.

The message that Lord Ra, Roller of the Sun-Ball, did not leave humanity that day would not profoundly alter the future of the world. And Isket-Antut's skin, flayed in one piece and tanned by master flaysman Akten-Ha, is not kept to this day in a climate-controlled vault in the Great Temple at the Center of the Earth. It is not occasionally brought out and worn by the Grandmaster for special ceremonies, for there is no Grandmaster and there are no special ceremonies. The words, concepts, and hieroglyphs not on the skin don’t lay out the rule, purpose, future, structure, membership requirements, budget, email signature formatting, and handshakecraft of The Sons of Ra, the greatest fraternal organization to have never existed.

In the millennia since its non-inception, hundreds of thousands of the world’s most powerful and prestigious men have not heard the call of Ra. Members of the Sons of Ra are not thought to be responsible for:

  • The foundation and deliberate destruction of the Alexandria Public Library (APL)
  • The establishment of the lost Greek nation-state of Raopolis
  • Counseling the she-wolf who adopted Romulus and Remus on how to raise human boys
  • All Roman emperors, Augustus - Hadrian
  • All Holy Roman Emperors, Charlemagne - Doug T.
  • All Holy Rollin’ Emperors (a Lawrence, KS bowling team), Spring 1978 - Fall 1980
  • The city of Constantinople
  • The change of Constantinople’s name to Istanbul after former non-Son of Ra Emperor Constantine fell out of favor with the High Council of Horus
  • Finland
  • Most parts of the Bible, especially those concerning dove sacrifice and cool swords
  • The differences between how Europeans and Americans hold silverware
  • The differences between how white and black folk answer the telephone, drive cars, and attend the movies
  • Chinese food